I Should Know Better

During the past several months I have finally had some time to reflect on my career focus. As much as I would like this blog to be a focus for professional pursuits, I also need a place to share my personal journey of success and failure in the areas where I would be most effective as a writer. Yes, I am fully capable of taking on a writing, editing or consulting job that has nothing to do with my personal passions. However, I find that most people are more intrigued by me as a person once they discover I am also a mother of five and have been married for nearly 18 years. The fact I have fought tooth and nail against all odds in the areas of motherhood and marriage establishes a sense of credibility no amount of published articles on home decor or business profiles can match.

Today, I face yet one more obstacle in seeing my writing career take-off: learning to live with fibromyalgia and chronic myofacial pain. When I created this blog site, I was determined to find a way to work full-time despite my physical condition. Then I learned that pain alone was only a small factor. Emotional and mental triggers could also induce “flare-ups” which made it impossible for me to do even simple tasks around the house, let alone consider doing anything “extra” such as writing or going to a job away from home.

Soon frustration led to depression which led to more pain and feelings of hopelessness. What did I just do all that work for? I had somehow managed to balance family, home and a dozen other obligations while completing my Bachelor’s Degree, and now I could not do anything. Literally, I was confined to bed, barely able to control the television remote let alone hold a pen, type or even wash my hair in the shower.

All that time doing nothing got me to thinking what was really important in my life. I started seeing how I had created this huge burden for my whole family and household in the name of having a “good life”. I had to learn to let things go, especially those things that were causing more burden than blessing.

Today, I am on the road to recovery. Each day I must make choices for my own health and well being while choosing to focus on what else I must do for my home, children and husband. It is not easy going from Mock2 to kicking back on a lounger in my back yard in order to read a fiction novel and work on my tan! All the while, dishes are still in the sink, laundry is sitting unfolded, and my younger children are watching re-runs of Pawn Stars on Netflix!

Yesterday, I had a breakthrough which led to finally posting to this blog. I have been weighed down by many things over the past two decades including taking on the burdens of other’s responsibilities. I have been compelled to “do” many things simply based on the fact I “can”. This realization is not so much new to me as it is a new way to look at what I have know for many years to be holding me back: My need to be busy all the time doing something productive. I will pack my day with tasks that have tangible results such as paying bills, deep cleaning a room in my house, grocery shopping, volunteering for a local organization or writing an article.

The downside to accomplishing so many things in one day is that I fail to make a positive connection with those I love. I hardly ever call my parents. Every word to my husband is in the form of a complaint of one sort or another. My children only hear they are not good enough because my only focus is on what they didn’t do around the house while I was busy doing other things. I have no time to make friends let alone be a friend to those I have known for decades.

To conclude, I go back to the title of this post. I should have known better than to make this blog about anything specific. From now on my goal is to post when I can about the things that matter to me. It may be a personal struggle, a success in establishing boundaries in a relationship, how I saved money using coupons for healthy food, or a reflection on a recent family vacation.

Once school starts, my plan is to set aside 15 to 20 hours per week for my writing career. I have two book projects to complete and many article ideas to pitch to national magazines. Our family will also be welcoming a foreign exchange student into our home the same week we drop off our oldest daughter at college at the end of August. As you can see, lots to write about!

I look forward to comments or suggestion about what you would like to read. If I dabble on a topic you want to know more about, please let me know by commenting.

Possible upcoming posts to include: Dividing up the family for summer vacation, my first Yosemite experience, Bonding with my niece and nephews, Getting along with family members with polar-opposite personalities and perspectives on life, and what “30-Something Moms Girl’s Night Looks Like”.

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