The Hidden Fault of Comparing Myself to Myself

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?

Cleanse me from these hidden faults.

Keep your servant from deliberate sins!

Don’t let them control me.

Then I will be free of guilt, and innocent of great sin.

May the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

~Psalms 19:12-14

As part of January 23rd’s One Year Bible, these verses stood out to me. “How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?” I had to stop and contemplate this with God…

How many times do I do something or say something and only later realize it was sin? I’m talking little things, like impulse shopping after clicking that beautiful ad I’ve managed to resist for weeks, but it’s 1am and I’m tired and something deep down says, “It’s OK to buy it now! You’ve been doing so good with spending…”


Keeping from “deliberate sins” seems easier, but it’s not. Either way, my poor choices control me and snowball into even worse choices that inevitably lead to distance from God and fulfilling His purpose.

Which leads me to the next image, and the bookmark I’m using for Free to Lean, by Jocelyn Green. Sometimes I notice a connection between my bookmarks and the book. Sometimes my choice of bookmark is deliberate. To be honest, I started reading this book so long ago, I forget which one it is! But yesterday, the verse here:

She is clothed with strength and dignity.

~Proverbs 31:25

Reminded me of the truth that needed to resonate in light of the scripture in Psalms 19:12-14. Then as I read the chapter titled The Myth of Measuring Up, the connection between my hidden faults, deliberate sins, and both controlling me lie in me forgetting the truth of who I am in Christ. As a result, I compare myself to myself — that person I know I could be if I could only…

  • Go to sleep once I felt tired each evening (instead of continuing to stay up for one more show, instead of worrying about my near-adult son getting home safe from his late-night work shifts)
  • Stay focused on my morning ritual goals of wake, read my Bible, fill in my planner goals for the day and get going (instead of reaching for my phone, only to get distracted on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or with an email that can wait)
  • Let the little areas of clutter go (instead of letting them distract me when I have ample time and opportunity to pour out words on a page in my blog or my WIP)
  • Resist food and drink that I know ultimately makes me groggy, irritable or leads to a headache (instead I give in and kick myself for it later)
  • Handle tasks for our business each day that take very little time (instead I put them off due to all the above and then they pile up and I need my husband to remind me of where our employees were and which vehicle he drove, etc and we find ourselves at the office desk at 10pm trying to sort it all out the day before payday!)
  • Stick to our budget for both our personal and business (instead it seems there is always something that comes up unplanned or over our estimated cost which throws things off — sometimes within our control, and sometimes not)

I could probably list a hundred more. But for now, I’m here, right?! I’m taking a thought and prayer from yesterday and expanding on it in order to reach my 2020 goal of posting one blog per week, no matter the topic.

Yes, I woke up before 8am and tried my hardest not to get distracted. Yes, my laundry is caught up and my kitchen is almost clean. Yes, I’ve moved business papers and files to a desk in our finished basement so I have a clean upstairs desk space designated to ONLY writing (with the exception of paying bills twice per month).

But I need to resolve — even if my laundry isn’t done, my kitchen isn’t clean, I have business tasks to complete, or there is clutter surrounding me — that I’m back here next Tuesday (hopefully before 10am), ready to publish another post — my Top 10 Back and Forward series I will be preparing as soon as I publish this post.

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